George Costanza as The Marine Biologist:
At the beach everyone is yelling at George.
Crowd: Come on! Save the whale! You gotta do it!
Diane: Save the whale George… for me.
(George turns and slowly walks towards the ocean with a determined look. He takes off his hat and throws it down. He walks into the ocean)
1- Marine biologist.mp3 (67kB)
George: So I started to walk into the water. I won’t lie to you boys, I was terrified!… But I pressed on. And as I made my way passed the breakers, a strange calm came over me. I-I don’t know if it was divine intervention or the kinship of all living things but I tell you Jerry at that moment … I was a Marine Biologist!
2- Marine Biologist.mp3 (218kB)
– George: The sea was angry that day my friends… like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli!… I got about fifty-feet out and suddenly, the great beast appeared before me. I tell ya he was ten stories high if he was a foot… As if sensing my presence he let out a great bellow! I said, “Easy big fella!”… And then, as I watched him struggling I realized, that something was obstructing its’ breathing. From where I was standing I could see directly into the eye of the great fish!
– Jerry: Mammal.
– George: Whatever.
– Kramer: Well then, what did you do next?
– George: Well then, from out of nowhere, a huge tidal wave lifted me, tossed like a cork and I found myself right on top of him, face to face with the blow-hole! I-I, I could barely see from the waves crashing down upon me but, I knew something was there… so I reached my hand in, felt around and pulled out the obstruction!
(George reaches into his inside jacket pocket and dramatically pulls something out in his clenched fist — holding it up in the air for a second, then displays a golf ball holding it in mid air)
– Kramer: What is that a Titleist?… A hole in one eh?!
3- Marine biologist.mp3 (74kB)
– George: Diane came up to me, threw her arms around me… kissed me. We both had tears streaming down our faces. I never saw anyone so beautiful. It was at that moment that I decided to tell her that, I was NOT a marine biologist.
– Jerry: Wow! What’d she say?
– George: Told me to “GO TO HELL”!, and I took the bus home!